We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
