We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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