we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
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