omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize