Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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