I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize