yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
