She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
