There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
