party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
