I CAN MOONWALK!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
