um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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