I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
