Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
being pregnant is like rehab
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
