you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
