Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
