bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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