I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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