First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
