I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
