dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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