when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
