Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
