Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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