Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
