I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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