you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
