hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
