What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
