lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
