How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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