would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
