If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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