Yo dont text me then not text me
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
