so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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