my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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