sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize