Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
