i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
