Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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