she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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