When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I enjoy the company of your penis
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
