the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize