remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
