There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize