I swear she didn't look like that last week.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
