Screwed.edu
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I think your dad took our porno
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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