I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
