Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
