I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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