Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
