I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I love you. Go after that dick
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
