I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
