This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
