I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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