ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
someone owes me an orgasm
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
