i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
