If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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