I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
