So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
