sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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