a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
