I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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