she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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