just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
