I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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