Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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