I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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