Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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