Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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