Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
