I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
