Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
